Konoha Shinobi Online Lounge: xUchihaSoleSurvivahx
by Leilita Chan
Summary: Ever wondered what the Uchiha is like behind all that rage? Well you're in luck! Presenting a top secret intimate peek @ our favourite Shinobi Elite's, The Konoha Shinobi Online Lounge Series! Vol 1: Behind the Sharingan w/xUchihaSoleSurvivahx CRACK FIC


Ever wondered what the Uchiha is like behind all that rage? Well you're in luck! Leilita presents a top secret intimate peek at our favourite Shinobi Elite's, **The Konoha Shinobi Online Lounge Series!**

Volume 1: "Behind The Sharingan": Featured Profile: xxUchihaSoleSurvivah16xx

**DISCLAIMER:** I do not own Sasuke nor do I own any of the other characters of Naruto...I do however own the Konoha Online Lounge so there! Muhahahaha

**WARNING:** It's rated M for language and implied Adult themes. What you are about to read is CRACK FICTION, It is in no way intended to be taken seriously, it has no purpose outside of my (and hopefully your) amusement. SO Don't waste flames on it, you angry little dragon you!

-Lei-

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**11 Layers of Me by ****xxUchihaSoleSurvivah16xx**

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**Layer One: On the Outside**

**Name**: Uchiha...Sasuke

**Birthday**: July 23

**Current Status: **Single, Missing-nin, International Criminal.

**Current Location**: For the last time Naruto... I'm not telling you.

**Eye Color**: Black when I'm bored. Red when I feel like killing someone or just intimidating them for my own amusement.

**Hair Color**: For those who may be confused it's not "black". It is a rich charcoal/ebony hue and I just added some midnight blue highlights to play up my complexion.

**Righty or Lefty**: I don't have those sorts of limitations.

**Zodiac Sign**: The zodiac is beneath me. I'm an Uchiha.

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**Layer Two: On the Outside**

**Your Heritage:** Uchiha bitch! (Bitch as in you...not me I'm the shit)

**Your Fears:** Being hugged or losing in any sort of competition.

**Your Weakness:** I have no weakness.

**Goal:** Kill Itachi...or destroy Konoha. Depends which I haven't done yet.

**Your Favorite expression:** "I want to kill a certain man."

**Your Most used expression:** "Baka Naruto." *said with extreme irritation..._and a subtle almost imperceptible undertone of longing_*

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**Layer Three: Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow**

**Your thoughts when first waking up**: I would like to kill my brother. I hope Orochimaru leaves me alone today. Where is my sexy extreme v-neck shirt...

**Your thoughts at bedtime:** I love you Naruto *eghem* oh...I mean I'm going to kill...kill...hate...kill...why is Kabuto in my room...Kill...I'm fucking awesome...Must restore Uchiha...*falls asleep*

**Your most missed memory: **That time when Gaara knocked Sakura out and then stuck her to a tree with sand over her mouth. I enjoyed this mostly because she couldn't talk.

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**Layer Four: Your Pick**

**Pepsi or Coke**: The one that would win if they faced each other in an epic bloody duel to the death.

**McDonald's or Burger king:** Burger king...I don't like clowns or happiness.

**Single or Group dates:** I don't understand this question. (But not because I'm stupid, I'm a genius so it must be because you're stupid)

**Adidas or Nike:** I wear sandals.

**Lipton Tea or Nestea:** Green Tea.

**Chocolate or Vanilla:** Whichever type of syrup Orochimaru picked that day.

**Cappuccino or Coffee:** I'm a man. Cappuccino is for pussies (Slides Caramel Machiatto behind back)

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**Layer Five: Do You?**

**Smoke:** If Katon Jutsu is considered smoking...then yes. I smoke frequently. *gives you smoldering intense stare*

**Have a crush:** I can and will crush anyone who stands in my way.

**Think you've been in love:** Naruto stop sneaking questions in... I'm trying to be cool and unaffected right now.

**Want to get married:** Must restore Uchiha Clan so as long as it's NOT Sakura... whatever

**Believe in yourself:** Is the earth round? I'm a fucking Uchiha...that's a stupid question.

**Think you're a health freak**: Nothing about me is freakish. Accept for my freakish abundance of physical beauty.

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**Layer Six: In the Past Month**

**Drank alcohol:** Maybe

**Gone to the mall:** If the Secret Uchiha clan weapon's store counts...then yes. I also stopped at Subway

**Eaten Sushi:** Yes

**Gone skating:** What's that.

**Dyed your hair:** Can't you see my midnight blue highlights glistening in the sunlight you simpleton!

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**Layer Seven: Have Your Ever?**

**Played a stripping game:** I don't play games but I try and take off my shirt at every possible opportunity, as a public service to the world.

**Gotten beaten up:** I'm an Uchiha bitch! (Well there was that time with Itachi...and Naruto....and the sound ninja....and Deidara....ummm next question!)

**Changed who you were to fit in:** Why would I ever change myself. I am the prototype of perfection.

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**Layer Eight: Getting Old**

**Age your hoping to be married:** Whatever

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**Layer Nine: Perfect Mate**

**Best Eye Color:** Blue

**Best Hair Color:** Blond

**Short or Long Hair:** Short

**Type of Girl Preferred:** One that can't speak, giggle or touch me.

**Type of Guy Preferred:** Anyone who is elite, but not more elite then me so I can still feel superior and tell them how superior I am (this is extremely important). Preferably a man who leans more to the side of evil and/or harbors murderous intent towards a blood relative (direct relation only, cousins and in laws don't count although a best friend may be supplemented here but only if they are blond blue eyed and a jinchuriki)

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**Layer Ten: What were you doing...**

**1 MINUTE AGO:** Telling Karin and Suigetsu to shut the fuck up...oh and this stupid quiz.

**1 HOUR AGO:** Staring at myself in the mirror to see which side looks best when I unleash my Chidori stream.

**1 DAY AGO:** Stopping Jugo from a killing rampage...Then thinking about killing someone myself.

**1 YEAR AGO:** Planning how to kill my big brother. Trying not to be molested by Orochimaru. I succeeded in one of the two...*awkward pause*

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**Layer Eleven: Finish the Sentence**

**I LOVE**: I don't understand this question.

**I FEEL**: Hatred. Disinterest. Boredom. Narcissism.

**I HATE**: Fun, Itachi/Konoha, Happiness, People touching me, Flowers, Anyone who is more elite then I am, Furry things, Fluffy stuff, Feelings, Love, Sakura, Birds, Friends, Warmth, Birthdays, Balloons, Anything associated with Joy.

**I HIDE**: My butt pl--...umm I mean next question.

**I MISS**: ....Naruto this is your last warning

**I NEED**: People to help me w/my revenge. Please email your killing history, References and completed application form to TeamHebi/TeamTaka 'at' gmail. com

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**Lol I'm currently spending ALL my free time trying to finishing Chapter 5 of Risk & Choice and the Chapter 4 of Torn...and after slamming my head into my desk a few time I decided I NEED an F'n break! This was the result... just blowing off some steam with this silly idea for a crack FIC, I did a few of them so I will post them all eventually, Next time Featured profile: Hornygenius7 (Take a wild guess who that is) REVIEEEEW!**


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